Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Stuff and Junk

Well, vacation is over. How depressing. I do love my friends and my home and my routine, but I’d be telling you a big fat lie if I said I was excited to go home. I don’t take a lot of vacation. Not real ones anyway. After about age 9, there was no real vacation anymore. Vacations were always about soccer tournaments and revolved around two games a day for two to three days and maybe an hour or two of down time.

Yes, through soccer I was able to see places like Dallas, Niagara Falls, San Diego and Phoenix, but it wasn’t like these were relaxing. At the end of my senior year in high school, I went to beach week the day after graduation but I was on a training regimen for summer soccer and it was hard to kick back (as much) as I wanted so that was another “sort-of” vacation.

Yes, Penn State athletics I saw South Bend and College Station and Knoxville (oh right, those sucked), but that was certainly more action packed than most getaways.

Yes, I went to New Orleans with some of my best friends last year and travel to Penn State every long weekend I get but usually the trips are plagued by the stress of my school, strange sleep schedule and breaking my routine.

The point is, I don’t relax very often. I’m what you call a busy-body. I think a part of it comes from living in Northern Virginia. For any of you Washingtonians, you know what I mean. The hustle and bustle here rivals that anywhere in the country. Believe it. Northern Virginians never stop. Just try driving on the beltway or dare to get on 66 during rush hour.

But I also think a part of me just has a problem unwinding. I’ve tried it all, believe me. Meditation, reading before bed, baths, prayer, intense work outs, walks, television, journaling. Nothing works for me. Nothing. So, I’m taking a stand, because for the first time in ohh… at least 10 years but probably more, I relaxed.

I slept in (until 8:00). I ate what I wanted. I had wine with dinner. I had ice cream for lunch. I didn’t push my body to work out, but instead went on leisurely walks on the beach. I wrote. I took pictures for my blog and spent time editing them. I sat outside and did N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Who ever knew that it could be so sweet?

Alex tells me all the time, “you need to learn to relax.” Any friend who has ever slept over at my house will tell you by the time they wake up, I’ve already eaten breakfast, worked out, showered and run an errand or two.

I’m sick. Or maybe I’m just extremely type-A. I think people who are too type-A are extremely impossible to be around. Is this me? I sure hope not. I have so many free spirit friends, and I think I used to be one of them.

I have a friend who has called me only to leave a message that said “you aren’t going to remember that you stayed in and studied tonight so you might as well come out.” And I have another friend who will drop anything to do something fun on the weekend, whereas I have turned down a million things to “get stuff done.” Damn, I suck.

I don’t want to be one of those people who can’t stop and smell the roses. I want to be able to sit and be and not worry about the one million things that I don’t think can wait for the morning. (If you were in my head, you would probably go nuts. It never stops).

I don’t want to be one of those people who misses out on a million little things happening right now because I’m super concerned about later.
I can’t. I won’t.

And so this is my attempt, my promise almost, to take the time out to be. To soak up nothing. To not care what you think about me or what I do. To enjoy my friends. To enjoy my time. To not take my “youth” for granted. To enjoy nothing.

Nothing. That’s my goal. Goodnight.

1 comment:

Monet said...

I so related to this post. I'm actually sending it to my little sister because we both have the same problem...we can't slow down and relax! I'm working hard on this right now, and it was great to hear about your own struggle and success! Thank you so much for sharing. Here's to a weekend of relaxation for the both of us!