Monday, January 3, 2011


I've been thinking a lot about resolutions lately.

I don't really make them. It's not that I don't think they are useful, but I don't need a new year to inspire me to change things in my life.

Like most people, there are things that make me feel better and there are things that make me feel worse. The trick to me is loading up on those things that make me feel better. I think in a post a long time ago I used an analogy revolving around the terms binge and purge.

Binge on the things that you love; purge yourself of those things that break you down.

Seems easy enough, no?

Well, it's not. Not for me at least. My mind usually goes about a million miles a minute. I can't ever shut it off. Not for a minute. Not ever. My mind races when I'm awake. My mind races when I'm asleep.

So I blog. But I don't usually blog wholeheartedly. I like to consider the fact that my audience doesn't really care if I had a bad day, good day, may day, whatever day. But then again, that's what blogging is, right? A public proclamation of your feelings?

So I run. Because my life seems at peace if I've hit the pavement. My stress melts with every bead of sweat, with every pound of my feet. I can assess things better with a clear head, and I can take on the world if I've already expended myself. But there are those days where the last thing I want to do is exert myself.

So I cook. Because it works. There is a recipe and I follow it. I add in things if I like. I take things out if I don't. I can create things that make a normal day a special day for others and even myself. I find comfort in the scents of the kitchen. I find relief in the assurance that I can add a little bit of this and a touch of that to something, and if I follow the directions, I will be rewarded. But food is consuming, and knowing myself, I can't obsess on it. I've dabbled on that path before, and it's not a fun one.

So I connect. Because I love my friends and my family. I love the elderly people at my job. I love the high school girls that I coach. I love the idea of making someone smile. I love the idea of knowing the people I surround myself with have my best interest in mind. Because people can come and make deep marks on your life one day and be gone the next. Because even those individuals who you lose contact with might remember that one time you helped them when they were in need. But you can't always rely on others.

So I reflect on myself. I take time almost everyday to be thankful for my life. Because I know that if my biggest problems are being stuck in traffic or not wanting to teach a class or missing my favorite show or not having time to just be, well, then I have it pretty good. But sometimes looking only within your own life can feel shallow.

So I learn. I research. I question. I discover. Because life is about exploration, growth and maturation. Because I'm a 23 year old who sometimes feels older than I am. Because I'm about to finish grad school and finally close one part of my life and open a new one. Because I used to think I knew it all and with everyday that passes I learn that I have not a clue.

And that's that. So this year, I plan to keep expanding. Keep cooking, reading, blogging, eating, working, pounding, exploring. Stop judging, criticizing, worrying and stressing. I want to grow. I want to flourish.

So, the Happiest of New Years to you. I hope that whatever it is you choose to embark on this year, that it brings you joy and spirit. That you are fulfilled in the greatest of ways and that you feel gratitude for those pleasures you enjoy.



Monet said...

Oh Jessie...what a wonderful reflection as the New Year begins. Thank you for sharing so candidly. I admire you greatly, and it is evident that you take the time to appreciate the small and big things in your life. I know that I'm blessed to get to peek in. Thank you for sharing with me. I hope you have a happy Tuesday!

Melanie said...

amen sista <3

Gwen said...

Those are very insightful thoughts about yourself and life. It's true, we need to try our best to do what makes us feel good and remember to not stress about the little things, it's really counterproductive. It is easier said than done, but reminders are a good thing!
Eating healthy makes me happy as does hiking and going to the park w my kids so I'm loading up on those things right now and not worrying so much about my never ending "To Do List".
Thanks for the reminder.
Check out my blog if you have time for some of my fav super healthy meals and snacks to start off the year right!